Unvisited Corners
Friday, December 30, 2011 at 04:42PM It's been two weeks since I got back from the Philippines, ending my "journey to the motherland" and propelling me straight into a different kind of madness -- no, not the chaos of the streets of Manila but the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. I haven't really had a chance to properly process everything that I've been through, all the odd emotions that have swept through me. But alas, the year is coming to an end (still don't know how this happened so fast) and I'm sitting here, reminiscing as I always do...
I've spent the past year all over the place. After graduation (a milestone I often overlook), I took off to travel and explore the wider world. Thirty cities, nine countries, and three continents later, I'm here exhausted by all the moving around, but bursting at my heart seams with a lifetime of memories and an even greater passion for all of life's adventures.
2011 has just been one big love story, albeit an unconventional one. You see, I've fallen a little bit in love with every city and country I've visited. Whether the scenery, the architecture, the culture, the food, or the people...I'm always enamoured by something and I never fail to find something to appreciate. And at the end of every trip, a certain melancholy sets in as I leave a part of myself there. In Florence, I left myself on the steps of the Piazalle Michaelangelo, up top the Alps of Switzerland, in the night clubs of Berlin, on the canals of Amsterdam, in the chocolate shops of Bruges, the riverside in Phnom Penh, the temple mountains of Angkor...
But that's where the Philippines is different. I don't think I've left any part of myself there, but rather I've found pieces of myself. This trip has been in every sense a journey...not just an exploration of some country, but of my roots. On so many occasions during my time there, I felt national pride for a country I've barely spent any time in. Yes, I was born there and am, by blood, a Filipina...and yet, I've spent my life in Canada and for the past nearly two decades, that has been my home. It's an odd feeling. When I read Jose Rizal's books (our national hero), look into the faces of the people, look out into the country's natural landscape, travel through the madness of its streets, I can't help but feel such a strong affinity for and kinship with this place...
I'll never forget the time we were watching Manny Pacquiao's fight and the Philippine national anthem came on. Naturally, everyone rose to their feet. I don't know why but it took me aback...I've never had to get up for any other anthem but Canada's before. And I didn't know the words...I've only ever known Canada's. I am Canadian after all. And yet, as I stood there watching and listening to the people sing the anthem, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmingly patriotic. And it isn't just patriotism either, there's this familial feeling too where everyone, even strangers, becomes your Tita, Tito, Kuya, or Ate (aunt, uncle, big brother, or big sister).
It's like I've stumbled on to these unvisited corners of myself...and what a surprise to find them miles away from "home" (now a fluid word). And it's even more perplexing to hold on to these pieces and not know quite yet how and where to fit them all in the bigger puzzle that is myself...
It's like Pico Iyer once wrote, "every trip to a foreign country can be a love affair where you're left puzzling over who you are and whom you've fallen in love with"...
Reader Comments (5)
'Fluid' says it all... as cliche as it may sound...home really is where the heart is, even though that can be in multiple places at once. Thank you for this :-)
I love it.
Simply beautiful and insightful....Thanks for waking up the Pinoy in me. I'd say... been there, felt that when I took my oath of Canadian citizenship and when my plane started its descent towards Manila in Jan 2011, after some 23 years of absence...tears were rolling down my cheeks. But in this age of social media amidst a global economy, we can always do our share of making a difference and paying homage to our Motherland in our own way.
Thanks for making me pry into the recess of my mind. Reminds me the first time I attended a university graduation rites in the Eastern United States in 2000. So proud to hear Pinoy names among the graduates amid the muted yet jubilant Mabuhay cheers from the crowd. However, a painful jolt hit me when I heard those US-trained Pinoys talked of their plans to serve the minimum years required to pay back the sponsors of their scholarship, head back to the US after serving their term, then settle in North America until retirement. Can I blame them? Well, I’d consider their sagas as additional episodes to the continuing Filipino diasporas.
These events stirred up memories of my younger and idealistic self in the ‘70s touring the Philippine countryside spreading the gospels of economic prosperity from government-sponsored programs. With maturity came the realization of the imbalance of the socio-political and economic infrastructure imposed by capitalists on Third World countries such as the Philippines to make us dependent on foreign trade as raw material suppliers. Colonial mentality became the side-effect of this business relationship which lingers on among Filipinos to these days. But true enough, Pinoys are pliant as a bamboo whether they’re at home or overseas.
For those of us who opted to emigrate to cast our lot in foreign lands, toil, seek our place in the sun and in the process become second-class citizens in order for our offspring to reap the economic benefits…. Cheers! The untold stories of Pinoy overseas will be part of our legacy to our children who grew up the North American (or European, etc.) way of life.
There will always be voids to fill every time we or our children make the sentimental journeys home.
NakAlpak: Home is where the heart is...I guess my heart is in two places right now :)
Oming: Thanks, Omsies!
Aquarius: 23 years, wow! That is such a long time! I can only imagine how that must have felt going back "home". What an odd feeling it must have been to walk the same streets of your past...I'm sure much has changed since then! I hope that even the Filipinos who are now born and raised in countries outside of the Philippines will pay homage to their roots...
Libra: Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. I hope only that the Filipino children who grew up in North America/Europe recognize the valiant efforts of their parents and that they too take that journey home. Because as you began to say, "...a Filipino is pliant like a bamboo...neither typhoons nor monsoons could break the Filipino spirit; like the bamboo, it sways and bends with nature’s relentless onslaughts, but it refuses to yield or die."